The Mechanical Bull at Our Lady of the Valley
...is what I'm listening to as I write this. I last posted in April, so there's a lot to catch up on, but I guess just let me try to boil things down to the essentials. Therapy: we are trying that again. I've had good few sessions since my semester ended and we got things up and running despite my reluctance to give it another go due to avoidance issues. It's been good. For now, it is just a place where I can talk about what's going on and how I feel. Things aren't quite as intense as they usually are because it's the summertime and I have less responsiblities to be anxious about, so my sessions have been pretty light.
I guess I'd like to start by saying that I've established myself as part of the DC underground DJ-ing community. I've made a group of wonderful and immensely talented friends who recognize my talent and passion for music and would like to share it with me. Things have been pure bliss. I'm out and about, supporting friends at local venues and playing at the club or at my friends' places more often. I have finally found a creative outlet that I feel competent in and have found immense community within. Alright!!! It's been a struggle finding my place in the world but I think I'm getting closer.
I've been thinking a lot about Sofie and how she would feel about where I've found myself three years later after her departure. I think she'd be really proud of who I am now. I used to picture her going out to abandoned buildings and listening to techno all night long with her friends and having a blast. I'm doing that now! I wish we could share stories together about our experiences with all that. When I'm outside and dancing in a dark room of cool people I imagine her next to me enjoying the music and dancing right along with me. She guides my every movement and thought on the dance floor. I miss her very, very much. I hope she's well. I met an old friend the other day, whom I hadn't seen in maybe 6 years or so, and she looked just like her. It was so odd and honestly a bit scary. I'm beginning to forget what Sofie looked like and how she sounded, so just having a reminder of that was a little off-putting, I guess. I'm sure this is a universal experience amongst yearners like me. I simultaneously hope to never see this person again yet want to see her randomly one night at the bar again. She used to do coke during lunchtime out of her backpack and smoke weed instead of going to class. I was worried about her for a time but she seems to be doing well now. Wishing all the best for her. I'm talking about the old friend I met again recently by the way, not Sofie. All Sofie did was smoke cigarettes.
I'm falling asleep as I write this so I think it's time to call it. I'll revisit this when I have time. I'm doing an illegal rave in August, so maybe... update on that later? Wahoooo